Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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