im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
