Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
