Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
