so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
