just come out here and I will go home with you...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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