just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
