Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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