Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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