On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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