god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
