I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i out mim tonsoeep
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