When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
soo... how was my night?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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