Tell her she can't have a vagina
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
