On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
