We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
you never un-have a 4some
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
