I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
