He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
