i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
