In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
