Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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