Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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