I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I would fuck him just for his dog
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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