I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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