"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
