i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
