Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
a search helicopter?!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
