god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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