i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
