Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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