I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
