some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There's even glitter on my cock...
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