Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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