I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
