Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
