does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
