he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
