I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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