be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
