i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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