I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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