wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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