Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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