I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
