It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
