she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
