Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
