Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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