WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
