The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
