You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
